Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Compo story 2 (edited by me and checked by Catherine :D)
The owl hooted eerily outside my window. I stole out of bed and tiptoed out of my bedroom. I opened the door and crept out of the house. I gave an audible sigh of relief when I managed to get out. I knew I had to get there fast. Otherwise, it would be too late.
I fished out my hand phone and dialed for Dylan’s number. There was no response. What was happening? Was my plan going to fail? “No! If it fails again, I will be in jail once again,” I mumbled to myself. I broke into cold sweat when I thought about my experience in jail. It was terrifying. I had strokes of the rattan cane almost everyday. I had no freedom at all.
All of a sudden, I crouched in pain. Tears rolled down my eyes as my stomach started grumbling. I felt my heart beating faster than usual. I had no idea what was happening but I picked myself up and continued running down the streets. I hoped the drugs would not be discovered by the narcotics officers for it would be too late.
Then, my hand phone rang. It was Dylan! He said that the box of drugs was safe and told me not to worry. I stopped running. How could the narcotics officers not know that the drugs were with us when they received the news from our enemy, Fred?
Fred was our enemy since we were twelve years old. When he declined our first offer of the drugs, he threatened to tell the police about my consumption of drugs. We were full of hatred. Now, he is a narcotic officer and he seemed to be trying to track down the both of us.
We were frightened and Dylan wanted to transport the package of cocaine to an empty island which his uncle worked in. I supported his idea but it was very dangerous. I continued running till I reached the port. I saw Dylan there smiling triumphantly. I thought we had succeeded but I was wrong.
“F-R-E-E-Z-E!” Some police officers came out of a broken house near us and pointed their guns at us. I stopped dead in my tracks and my blood froze. However, Dylan let out a demonic laughter. He took out a little controller and threatened to press it if the police shoot them. I had no idea what the controller was. Could it be a bomb?
I quickly grabbed the controller and pressed it. The small house which they were in started to collapse and pieces of wood and bricks came down like rain. They were trapped in the house. I saw Dylan grinning like a Cheshire cat. I was indeed happy too. We quickly rode the motorboat bought by Dylan and rode towards the island. We hugged each other and knew we had succeeded. Then, there was a sound behind us.
“It’s the police!” I shrieked in horror. Some police officers were in another motor boat and their boat was getting nearer and nearer to us. One of the police officers took out a gun and shot the motor of our boat. Our boat stopped and started sinking into the water. I was struggling to hold the remaining air in my lungs. I began to sink deeper and deeper into the water. My arms and legs were flailing frantically. Was I going to die?
Suddenly, I was pulled up by someone. I spun around and saw the police officers behind me. I knew I would have died if they did not save me. However, I would suffer in the cell once again. As I was too tired, I closed my eyes and soon drifted to sleep.
When I woke up in the morning, I found out that I had returned to “the cell”. I lost my freedom. I had failed myself once again. “NO!” I screamed out loud. I could not do anything as it was too late.
The End~

1 comment:

**Carpe diem** said...

The ending seemed a little abrupt.

Where's Fred towards the end? Maybe you should bring him back since he was the one who told on you.

How about Dylan? Where is he?

Your story did not really wrap up well. Loose ends.

Guess you got to do a little more editing.